I like my friend

"He Love Me or NOT"

I fall in love with my friend. 

I'll started the story about He and me during our primary school, We used to be at the same school and same village. We also in the same class since in primary 2 until primary 5. He and I also sit next to each other when we in primary 4 and at that time I was one of most naughty and bad student in our school and I always fight with my friends not just girls fight but I also fought with male students and I known as the noisy girl in our class. He doesn't like me and we used to fought because I always talking with my friend and argue with other persons. In year 2001, when we in primary 6, Our class separated and we're not in the same class anymore and starting that time I don't get the chance to talk and even joke with him anymore and seems like I don't talked with him. I don't have any memories talking with him during our primary 6 but  he supposed to be one of our classmate too but something happen then he forced to be in next class. We finished our study in primary school in the year 2001 and I haven't saw him again in 5 years after he move with his family to town and the rest of us move to other school in town and He can't be with us anymore. During the past 5 years, We lost contact and I never heard anything about him anymore.

5 years later, we met in our village when we celebrating Christmas and we only get the chance to talked with each other when we went to picnic with our friends.  He is not the same boy that I used to fought with anymore because now he looked mature and handsome. I can't even dare to looked directly into his eyes and I don't know what should we talked about. Even I'm known as talkative by our friends but during that time  I don't know what should I talk or do.  When we lefted out by our friends, so over there is just the two of us we are very silent and awkward, I tried to be friendly and asked him some questions so that we don't looked very awkward. At that time I realized that He became a good looking guy or handsome out of my friends (guys) that the same aged with me. I regreting that moment because the next day I had to go back to my parent's place to celebrating New year with my family. I don't get the chance to be close with him and also don't get the chance to asked for his phone number.

I didn't think of him after I came back to my place but three months later, when our result came out. Actually, at that time I had boyfriend but our relationship isn't in good condition because of some problem. The day of our result came out, I went out to celebrating that day with my friends at some place and after the party we sent one of our friend to terminal bus and suddenly he call one of our friends and he asked that friend to let me talked with him over my friend's phone because we don't have each other phone number yet. We get the chance to talked and I feel something different in my heart. He remembered me and I never expected that He wanted to talked to me. At that moment I think that He might like and interested in me. Starting from that moment We keep in touch and always texts or contacted each other.

In year 2008, When I continued my study then I realized I fall in love with Him and I can't missed to text or called him. Actually He also continued his study at other place. Everyday,He completing my day by talking over the phone and texts me. Talking with him over the phone makes me really think that He also in love with me. At that time I decided to break up with my BF because of him and I don't know why I decided to make that decision. Actually, that guy also had GF and the truth is He never said that He love or like me. One thing I can think at that time is,  when he'll asked about my BF, I would told him that I'm not in relationship with anyone so that we can be coupled.  Even I know that my BF really love me because I was his first love but I totally in love with that guy. I entitled him as my Mr. right and Mr. Village in my diary. I believe that he is the one for me and He is my destiny and I even prayed for that.

I kePT my feeling for him and waited for him to confessed to me but He never did that and I still waited and I tried to calm myself by saying that he will realize about his feeling toward me. I really love him  and believe that we're meant  together. Even though I know that he has GF at that moment but I still hoping for his love and Believe that He'll told me that he love me. He always told me about his GF and told me when ever he had problems with her but I don't understand that. He never care and tried to understand my feeling. So many question pop-up in my mind:

Does He know my true feeling?

"Does he know that I waiting for him to confessed to me???"

"How can He didn't get the hint about my feeling toward him?"

"Is he waiting for me to confess?"

"What his true feeling toward me??"

"Does He care about me?"

"Am I just his friend?"

Those questions always pop-up in my mind but  I tried to be patient and think that the relationship he has with his GF will not going anywhere or everlasting and I keep on prayed for our relationship to become true. He makes me confused because she gave me hopes and dreams. He acted like he like or interested in me and he even acted like he about to confessed to me. He even call me for very long time and we always text everyday. I don't understand because when he call me I keep asking myself some question again, such as:

"Why does he call me for very long time and the conversation is too long"

He always asked about my BF and as always my answer is:

 "As usual, I'm single."

 I also told him about my ex-BFs and I told him why we break up but the thing he does is He gave me advice about my previous relationship. I can't understand his feeling and what He really feel about me. I'm in dilemma and I even think that maybe he is someone that wanted girl to confessed to him first but to think I done something like that is not my types/style. I can't imagine I confess to man and I never imagine my fairy tale dream will fade because I really love him. My fairy tale dream is the guy will confess to me with confidence, romantic and very gentlemen . Actually I'm afraid that he will reject me and when that happen I'm afraid to met and see my friends. To let them know about my feeling toward this guy is something embarrasing because we're friend since we're child but now it's kinda funny to think about we fall in love with our own friend.

I waited about 4 and half years to hear he confessed to me but until now he never do it and I decided to give up on him when someone told me that he say that he love one of our friend and that girl is the only girl he like. In addition, i get tired over his attitude. I don't wanted to live under hoping for something that impossible happen and I think maybe I fall in love with wrong persona and hoping over nothing. 

I started to think about the words on the above. Its make me think that I was wasting my time over wrong person and my decision to give up on him is the best decision I ever made so far because if I keep waiting for him I also will know who am I actually and who he really are that can make me become crazy or obsesses over him.

The beautiful words for me. Its my mistake because I tried to decide whom to love and to hope and even to dream of but now I think of it that I can still be in love with someone else that better then him.

Now that my friends always asked me about my status now. I keep telling them that I'm still single and I like to be like this because I wanted to find my true love and I believe that my true love will come to Me even if I don't try to looked for it.