I'm sorry I hurt you

"I'M NOT GOING TO ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS"

Your love is true but I can't love you the way you love me.

In my entire life I won't forget about you, you created beautiful memories for me and you once bright my life. 

I never expected that I will met you at that camping and when I decided to join the camping I was joked to my friends that one of my reason to join the camp is to find my true love but never that I know that I will met you there. I fall in love with you at the first sight. I know lots of people saying that love is blind and I agree with that. I even take your picture secretly and I believe I wouldn't get the chance to met you after the camp ending so I don't keep hoping for we to be together.

We destined to met each other and to be in the same group and you're the leader. Since day 1 in the camp I can''t take off my eyes looked at you but we don't really get the chance to talking with each other and we rare met even though you're our leader but you always absent from the meeting.

We started to talked on the last day, suddenly you approached, talked and even take pictures with my friend and I. I thought that there is no ways for us to contacted each other again but the last meeting you came asked for our information or profile and I think there might be a chances for us to contact. The moment we leaving the camp you text me and I can't believe it and I thought you may text all of our member but seems like you only text me and You asked about the transportation that will sent us to our place and I definitely wouldn't refused to reply your text. I told you that we're waiting for transportation but seems like it will take long time to wait. therefore,  You told me that you will sent us to our place and because most of us is in your group so I thought maybe because of that you willing to picked up us. Then the four of us riding your car, and you even brought us dinner and we so glad because we haven't had dinner yet. While having dinner, we talked and get the chance to talk freely and get to know little about each other. My heart beating fast at that time no one know and I feel like flying because I can contact with him again. After dinner, he sent us to our place and after that he continued to text me not only that day but the day after that and its continued till we officail became a couple. I thought it weird but I feel so happy.

Its my first time being like this over someone and I can't explain how was my feeling toward you. I can't believe that I ever fall in love in such a ways. I don't really know you and seems like we were destined. My second thought again is that you might like one of my friends because they more beautiful, kind and everything they had I don't have and I feel insecure about that. He always call and text all of us and I'll be the last one that He will call. I even cried because you call my friend so long and I thought you like her and at that time I thought all the guys is the same they will like someone beautiful and kind. At mid night, you called me and of course I can't refused the call and I pretend to be sleepy but at that time I was crying and you calm my heart because you call me in long time and you make a joked and my heart beat so fast again..Can't you listen to my heart beat???

I know I being mean when I decide to not contact you anymore and frankly speaking i know I made wrong decision to let you go but I don't know why I have to think seriously and find the imperfect about you. Your love is true and you truly love me the whole your life but I can't force myself to love u anymore. My love is just short term feeling and I can't guarantee that I can maintain my feeling toward you anymore that is why I decided to let you go and makes you waiting for me for very long time. I know I made mistake when I choose not to explain the reason I done such terrible thing to you but I don't know how to explain the thing because my love for you was fly like a wind and I decided not to talked and contact you and the most terrible thing, I gave you an explanation via e-mail without meeting pr see you face-to-face. I know your heart must hurt so much and I know you think I'm so childish. The only think I wanted during that moment is to run away from you, I never considered your feeling and I owed an apologize from you but as I told you in my e-mail that I won't asked for forgiveness because I know I will never be forgiven and after done something terrible to someone who truly love u is unforgiving. The thing I done to you is very bad and anyone heard about it will get mad over me and there will no sorry for me and I deserve to be punished because what I had done. I just feel sorry toward you.

Frankly speaking, I admit that your love for me is pure and true but I can't control my mind and heart to find  imperfect in you and every time I thought about you make me moody and when you keep calling and sent an email make me fed up with you. The feeling that I can't even express how I hate and mad at you. You never don't something terrible to me and you never made mistake. The ways you told me that you even asked the Pastor to pray for you about us make me sad and sorry for you and as you know what that person told you that if "she really destined to you you'll be together but if not you have to accept it".