I've changed

Yeah!!! of course I have to know this in my own because I have changed so much not in good way but in bad way...I become lazy, moody, liar, hypocrite,bad and I can't managed my life as a student very well. I don't know what happen to me now. I lost in the track..I went to the wrong path or way this time. Seem like its too far away  but I believe I still can turn back and solve the problem. My laziness affected my life and I failed all my papers and nothing satisfied myself and I feel down but still I pretended to not know and never tried to changed my attitude but today I realized that I went too far already. I need to turn back to the true me and become myself not tried to become anyone else or pretend that I'm not that kind of person. I still have time and its not too late to turn back at that time. All I need is to remind myself that I'm better then what I done now...If I keep doing this it will make myself regret this the entire life and I will never able to turn back again. So its not to late for me now...

There's lot of thing happen in my life after I change to this way now...my friends never influenced me to the bad way but its my self but sometimes I think they are but I'm not going to blame them because everything happened because of me myself...They never asked me to do or make something that I don't wanted to do but its me that willingly to do it. Its doesn't mean they bring me to do the bad thing but I left my friend because of them and to left them now make myself in dilemma. if I left them now they will think that I left because of their attitude and they will think I'm hypocrite and liar but actually I really wanted to left them but I don't know what to do. They're good friends but something bad in my mind that make me feel like they're not suitable friends for me to be with and sometimes we can't came with the same opinion. With them I tried to become more sociable and tried something new in my life that I never done. Thanks God, I realize it now and I don't try something stupid that can ruin my life because I almost do something that against my belief and life. I'm so thankful...I don't need to become an open minded to be a sociable but I just need to be myself to make my life better...

I forgot where I'm before and I forgot about something important in my life...my savior my father and my lord. I've lost too far...I need to turn back. He even remind me about my bad and sin but still I don't get it or I pretend not to but He still love me by guide and safe me from that thing..How great His love to me and His love never fail. Thanks dear God.

One more thing I've done this time is I disturb other people boyfriend even we have been friend almost 4 years but the connection between us make me feel happy to be with him. He is nice to me and always call me with nice nickname and I don't know why I done that kind of thing even I know he had girlfriend but still I can't control myself to contact him. When I think about that thing carefully  I know this is impossible for us because he is not serious with me and he seem like greedy and proud of himself and he been lost his track of life and believe. He had relationship with that girl almost 6 years already and I tried to ruin thier relationship.what a bad girl I am. I shouldn't do that but still can't control myself..I have to change that thing too. How are we can possible become couple if both of our attitude not matching well and its impossible to break the relation that he build with that girl. They already gone too far from what the relationship between girl/boyfriend suppose to be..I can't act like this anymore..I should forget about him now.

My laziness will kill my future and the thing I need to do now is change that attitude and become myself to for my future. I still have a chance to change the result in the end. For my future