Let You go.

"Sometimes a person has to let go because their heart is just too tired of holding on"

Its time to let you go...

its been awhile since I promise to myself to let u go..its true, I promised to my self that I will forget about you and will never think or contact you anymore. Yeah, I still remember that. I promised that, if I able to continued my study at the same place with your girlfriend I will give up on you and forget/ ignore you but I don't keep my promised well. I ignore and pretended that I never made the promised and I lied to my heart. I don't keep that promised...Yeah, I'm devil. Its seems like our destiny is not meant to be..I continued my study at the same place with your girlfriend. what a unlucky person am I. 

I know I'm the worst women ever because knowing that you had girlfriend but still I attached to you and the girl seems like wanted to be my close friend because she know that I know you but she doesn't know or suspect that we been in contact for so long or should I called that He cheat on his girlfriend and the person is Me .To think about that make me afraid that she will know and the worst part is I wished that your relationship with that girl will end but at the same time I'm scared. I'm women too but still I tried to hurt another women feeling by tried taking her boyfriend...devil..I shouldn't do that at the first place and I should understand her feeling and tried to protect her feeling but seems like I'm the one that tried to hurt her. what an awful girl,

He always tried to waved my heard and kinda gave me hope but he never tried to brake up with that girl. what should I do..I'm not women that will asked something like asking the man to brake the relationship because of my selfishness. if he really wanted to brake up with her and that is his decision because I'm afraid in the end I don't want he will return to that girl again. He just saying and not meant to. He shouldn't do that to my heart. sweet talker...we been contact almost in four years already and yet he always said that "IF" I brake up with her..would you be my girlfriend???? what am I gonna say about that...I don't know what should I said because thinking about his girlfriend make me loss confident..frankly speaking, I really wish that they brake up but not because I'm asking but because of his on will. He always asking me the same question and I'll always said that I don't know. He didn't get what I meant by that. I know its really difficult to deal with heart matter and I don't understand my heart too. I believe he love that girl and I realize that thing but because I think about my future I wanted to have him as my hubby because  of his financial state is stable.

Am I really like or love him???

Our status as we always contact is "we're just friend" no more and less. But sometimes I dream and hoping that we're more that friend. He always waving my heart with his sweet talker skill. I been grab him tightly and now its hard to let him go and I know our relationship will never go anywhere and I have to accept the reality and stop dreaming about him and lets find the new one and my true love.

Now, I came with my decision to let him  go and to let my heart free from him..let he happy with his girlfriend and I wouldn't be the black hole or tried to hurt someone feeling. The best decision for this problem is to let him go and ignore and never text or contact him anymore. I should tell him directly but I can't because I don't know what to tell him if he asked for the reason. I'll lets it be and not to contact him anymore...the method that I always used to be free from someone. 

I hope one day u'll realize why I act like that....because...